The T-T-T-T-Taj Mahal

For the past four centuries, Indian tourism has had a shadow cast over it by one building and four syllables;

The

Taj

Ma-

-hal

First thing to say, it was 112 degrees. Yes, one hundred and fuckin twelve degrees...And that was in Celsius.

To tell you the truth, I felt like overall it looked more impressive from a distance than up close.

It looked much, much smaller when I got up close (Anybody? Thats what she said). It was however, all white marble (Indian white marble, which the tour guide couldn't stop saying is the best kind of marble. Even better than Italian marble apparently. Can you believe it? Better than Italian marble. Even the Italians admit it when they see it). There was clearly at least a couple days worth of work put into the up close designs which include all kinds of rare stones actually set into the marble....oooooohhhh.

Interesting story to go along with it. The emperor, we'll call him "emperor back in the day", loved his wife a lot, but upon bearing their fourteenth child she died. Her dying wish was for him to build a memorial of her that was sooo grand, the whole world would know it. Emperor back in the day loved his wife so much that...yada yada yada.....Taj Mahal. However, the emperor was going crazy by that point (it took like 25 years to build the thing), and he was like "hey, this thing is pretty sweet. I should build one for myself. Except mine will be sweeter cause it will be black." (That was an Actual quotation). So he starting building another one, but then his son realized he was crazy and spending ass tons of money on tombs while people starved and so had his father arrested. His son was nice enough to imprison his father in this fort nearby where he could have a perfect view of the Taj. Awwwwwww.

So, yeah, this thing is just a giant tombstone. Apparently, the four towers at the corners of the Taj have a two percent gradient pointing away from the main structure. This was done so that if they ever fell, they would not crush the Queen inside the main building (I don't think she would notice). After emperor back in the day died, they ended up burying him in the Taj as well. So at least the space was used a little more efficiently.

And thats all I have to say about that.....

I'm leaving tonight. My plane take off Tuesday morning at 12:30 AM, and I arrive in Chicago at 5 AM after a 16 hour direct flight. [Insert obligatory ash cloud joke here] I am so ready to go back. I hate to say it, but everyone constantly trying to get money from me, and rip me off any way possible, and taking pictures of me cause I'm white, and pointing and laughing at me cause I'm white, has finally started getting to me. Leave me alone! I mean I see white people all the time. Not that interesting. It's not like I'm albino....although I'm close.

Here are some other pictures of Delhi....

And finally I got a shot of four people on a moped.

Hope you enjoyed India and look forward to the next random place I visit,

Matt

And there goes the cows.....

A visit to an Indian carnival....kind of

I had the privelege? of visiting what one might call a carnival.....an Indian carnival. They had all the usual carnival activities that you would expect, a ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, etc. except they were all miniature sized and were hand operated. A man stood there and pushed the "ferris wheel" around. Wow, what a thrill.

Then of course, we had the woman dancing with giant pots on her head


and the obligatory dance with the random Indian dude.


Thankfully, then things started getting normal. A man in a horse suit showed up, with a drummer sidekick and did a little jig


Etc, etc, etc.





The day was wrapped up with the traditional meal of cheeseburgers

Jiho

Well, I am having so much fun here in India, that I have decided to stay an extra week. Sorry to those waiting anxiously to see me. I will tell you, its not cause of the office food...



I don't have a lot of new interesting pictures because I have been working 14 hours a day, which is why I'm paid the big bucks. I will, as always, though, give you some of my extremely interesting observations and opinions about what I have seen....

First, there is some weird obsession with multi headed creatures here. I guess its a religious thing, so I probably shouldn't be calling it weird?





I went to the movies the other day, checked out Clash of the Indian Titans (don't see it). There's some differences between movie theaters here and in the US. First, the ones here are full of Indians. In addition, they won't let you into the theater until one minute before the show starts and everyone scrambles to find their assigned seats before the lights turn off. Yes, I said assigned seats. That means that people who come in late all need to turn their phone on to see what seats are what. Of course there are plenty of people who are just talking on the phone throughout the entire movie.....kinda rude people. Finally, they play the national anthem at the beginning of the movie and everyone stands at attention. Oh, and there is an intermission (repeat process with finding seats).

In general people seem a little less interested in other's well being here (see talking on phones during movies). This is especially true when waiting in queues and driving. I know I talked about driving before, but I thought of a good way to describe it. You know how we practice "defensive driving" in the US, well they practice "offensive driving" here (hey yo!). Its really like everyone assumes that people will be moving out of their way by the time they drive into their lane/side of street/sidewalk/anywhere. Its CHAOS. Oh, and rickshaw drivers don't like to be touched.



And here come the cows....



And people haven't even heard of the Super bowl!

You also have to watch out for the kids here. They are vicious (the homeless ones anyways). They will hunt down the white people and follow them (as in me) around for as long as it takes to get a rupee (2 cents). Your car stops at a light with kids around; they will be climbing all over your vehicle, grabbing you through the window, etc. Last time I was in India, I even almost got beat up by a bunch of 8 year olds. Ahhh kids, so precious.

India explained

India can be very confusing to a first time westerner; so full of magical sights, smells and cows. To help this theoretical first time India traveler, I have compiled a list of some things that will help to understand the culture, climate and driving rules, to avoid death.

Cars will not stop for pedestrians (or other cars). It may seem as if they are ignoring lane lines, traffic directions and sidewalks.....they are!

And when you are riding in a taxi/rickshaw, never ever let the cab driver try to take you some place you didn't ask for. There is always something in it for them. It's always a buddy's shop or some place where he will tell you he's getting you a good deal, but really he speaks Hindi to the gate keeper and they work out to charge you more and then split the profit. I keep falling for this one though.

Symbolism can be quite confusing in this new place. You might notice symbols that look familiar to you, however, some of these things do not represent what you expect. For example, you may see this six pointed star, and say "hey look, a synagogue". When you walk in, however, you will be disappointed to find no Bar Mitzvah or Briss in sight. Read more about the meaning of the Hexagram.

(Not a Jewish Star)

Another symbol you might see as you stroll the streets of Delhi, is a good ole fashion Swastika. Luckily (for me anyways), this does not represent Neo-Nazi ideology.

(Not a Nazi Swastika)

As an American, its easy to make friends with the people who live here. It especially helps if you are extra white, like me. People love to take pictures with such a unique looking individual. And when you say you're from America, they unanimously respond with the name of everybody's best friend, Barack Obama (It seems people always just say who is popular in American culture at that time).

(Everyone loves white people)

Another good thing to know is that "No" means "Yes" in India. If you see someone bobbing or shaking their head, it means they're in agreement. Tips for head bobbing

Finally, if anyone is looking to get married, I have found you the perfect caterer....



P.S. Snakes love to break it down....

Here we go again - Indian style!!

Fans, I have heard you, and I am answering the call. I will be starting this blog (if that whats you call it....I prefer ramblings) back up and post every time I go to a new and interesting place. I have missed posting on some pretty cool places since the middle east (Jamaica, Burning Man, Switzerland, Vegas, Breckenridge, Tahoe, Mexico), so let me sum all of these up in a quarter of a second....asdfaoih. Now that that's cleared up, lets get back to where I am now; India.

I just arrived in Pune today, after spending the weekend in Delhi. Pune is where my company's office is and where I will be living for the next two weeks.

Let's learn a little bit about Delhi.....

The president has a big house.















While many a child begs on the street.

(Not that its any different in the US)

There are many, many crazy tourist things to visit in this city. It seems as if hundreds of religious felt inadequate in other ways and thought they would prove themselves by building unnecessarily large and detailed houses of worship. Lets start with the Baha'i and their lotus temple...

You may remember I visited the Baha'i Gardens in Israel back in the day....



And here is their temple in their other holy location, Evanston, IL (random)


A little over the top.


Here is Akshar Dham. I'm not sure what religion it is, but its basically some guy who preached "Be kind to others" and blah blah blah (forgive me if I offend you, but I prob will at some point). This place was crazy inside, but no cameras allowed. They make you store them at a coat check (sketchy I know, but somehow I got my camera back).

Finally we have this random temple.

Random

Thats all the oversized temples I could deal with for one day. But I did see an oversized tomb as well. This was the precursor to the Taj Mahal (coming later in the trip....exciting)

(I came to India to lose weight)

I will leave with what could be my new favorite picture. What I would call a near death experience. Yes, this is real. The guy was trying to get me to touch it, but there was no F'ing way that was gonna happen. Only in India.

The End

This will be my last post.

I know! You're saying to yourself, "But Matt, how will I fill my days if I don't have your blog to read over and over again." I'm sorry sir/mam, I just don't know.

That was weird. But, anyways, I leave in like two days. For everyone wishing to see the author of this blog in person, he will be having a blog signing in Chicago from Sept. 19-25, and after that will be in Acton (Massachusetts) for the coming months. Then I need to figure out what I am doing with my life. So, if you are in either of these places, and wish to hear more about my travels, see more pictures, give me advice on life, or smoke out of my new hookah, you can call me at 608-215-4031 and we will talk.

The last few days, I have been to a mish mash of places. The only one that really mattered was Haifa (Pronounced Chaifa (No, the 'ch' comes from the back of your throat)). Haifa is not that exciting. They have the Baha'i gardens (More on the Baha'i faith....if you were interested for some reason). And that's Haifa. I did take some pretty pictures though. Enjoy.




Now I will discuss whatever comes to mind about my trip to the middle east (In no particular order):

• People don't jay walk here. They stand at the light for minutes while no cars are coming and wait for the walk signal
• Birthright (Taglit in Hebrew) was effective. I have changed my answer to the question "Are you Jewish?" from "Only by birth" to "Yes". It got me thinking about how I want my kids raised, etc.
• I have decided to stay in Israel and become a Rabbi (Is, is he serious?)
• There's a dichotomy among Israelis, all are very warm, friendly and helpful, but a lot are also arrogant, opinionated and argumentative (Not that there's anything wrong with that)
• It hasn't rained since I have been here (There hasn't even been a cloudy day)
• People exaggerate how dangerous areas are
• A good step for the Palestinian-Israeli conflict would be for both sides to accept the fact that the other side is here to stay
• Israeli girls have a very tough shell, but if you keep talking to them, they eventually come around
• Fast food is expensive here
  
• Hummus is delicious

Alright, that's it. Thank you for reading, and have a very Jewish day.

The End

Time is running out

I come back to the States in less than a week (I know you're all very excited to see me).

The last few days I have spent in Jerusalem. Most of my time was spent in the old city, which is this extremely confusing maze of alleyways that is completely walled in. Most of the alleys our filled with shops. I'd say there around two thousand little shops set up in this tiny area with only about ten different kinds of stores (Jewish souvenirs). It is quite an experience just walking around this area because once you get into the alleyways, every turn you take just leads to more alleyways, and unless you know your way around, it is extremely difficult to find your way out.


This area is also unique since it holds extremely holy spots for three major religions. Obviously, the Jews have the wailing wall here (which is only holy because it is close to where the old temple used to be), the Muslims have the Dome of the Rock (Which is actually a monument built where the old temple used to be (Yes, the holiest site in the world for Jews has a Muslim memorial on it)), and the Christians have the tomb of Christ here in one of the churches (I accidentally walked into the church and saw a big line for something so just stood behind it, so I got to see this).

A picture of me (pretending to be) praying on the wailing wall.


The last day I was in Jerusalem I went with some guy I met in the hostel to Bethlehem (Yes, 'The' Bethlehem) and Hebron (Yes, a Palestinian city in the west bank). Guess what everyone! I have seen the place where Jesus (Yes 'The' Jesus) was born, and you haven't. Does this make you feel inferior to me?


The other interesting thing about Bethlehem is that it is right next to the wall that the Israelis built around the west bank to keep out Palestinian suicide bombers. We tried to walk through the checkpoint here, but the guards were being mean to everyone and there was a huge line (I was like, "Excuse me! White person here, no security necessary), so we drove through instead, but still interesting.


Hebron wasn't really that exciting. I expected all kinds of Mayhem and violence to ensue, but it was just like all the other cities I have been to....only we were the only white people there. However, we did see a box of goat heads (Warning: graphic image....too late).


Every place I have gone, people have extremely overstated how bad/dangerous the area will be. So, as a social experiment I will go to Gaza (Just kidding).

Oh yeah, also in Hebron this little kid was selling band aids on the street. He kept coming up to me and offering me a band-aid for a shekel (I found this quite funny. Why would I need band-aids?). In the end I gave in him an 'A' for originality and gave him a shekel. He gave me a whole pack of like twenty band-aids (So, if anyone needs a band-aid I will be bring back twenty next week....but they are Palestinian band-aids).

Quick note about Arabic. They don't have a 'p' sound. It just doesn't exist for them. So, they pronounce all the English words with a 'b' sound instead. This can get quite comical....just imagine the possibilities. 'Pepsi' becomes 'Bebsi', 'Pop' becomes 'Bob'.